With the job market in such a state, me and some friends thought of a few possible jobs in today's troubled times while having dinner. Here goes:
1. Moral Mausi
Job description: Upholder of Indian culture. Heavy demand in every Indian city. Will start by standing at every building gate and checking for errant school going girl children with skirts above their ankles. Will also post herself in front of pubs, clubs, movie halls, gyms and at rich Marwari weddings at the Oberoi to check for women in skin showing spaghetti tops, skirts, capris, shorts and sheer saris with sequin overdose. In fact will forward proposal to ban the sari altogether as it shows too much skin, that too around the erm...erogenuss/nous/noze (Chee chee! Moral mausi doesn't know spelling of such bad words) areas and still pretends to be Indian. Will uphold Mayawati style one size covers all salwar kameezes for anyone who's not a man. Problem solved.
2. TV Terror
Job Description: There is only one word for it. Suhel Seth. You will require a passable knowledge of what the 'gorment' is up to, highly stretchable vocal chords, some wisecracks and a dictionary with words such as 'buffoons,' 'cartoons,' 'baboons,' etc. A few years in Delhi cozying up to powerful media types will also help.
3. Luxury Consultant
Job Description: There isn't any. Will need to own sufficient Vuittons and Venetas, Cavallis and Choos. Will also require rich dad/husband to buy luxury mall post which candidate can call press conference, flash the Vuitton, call herself luxury consultant and pose for photographs. Tough call but easy job. All you need to do is look convincing as you give quotes like, 'The luxury segment is opening up in India/people are well travelled and know what luxury is/the time is right for luxury goods to enter the Indian market, etc etc.' People have been saying the same for the last five years so you will have enough research material.
4. Chamelion
Job description: Self explanatory. Think US returned IT person turned kiddie library founder turned playgroup founder turned restauranteur turned delusional turned IT person working on Banerghatta Road.
5. Model Mother
Job description: Franchisee for serenity, world peace and inner poise. Will need to be former model well trained in Yoga, own a large number of Lucknawi chikan churidar kurtas and a calm, peaceful expression. Will need to have friend with bungalow surrounded by greenery and basement for meditation.
Am off to sleep now on that peaceful note. Feel free to add.
23 comments:
Brilliant! Bags me being Moral Mausi since I am already an Aunt of Four (and a maasi at that).
Kahini
good one :) my addition...
blogger type - unsolicited opinion, punditry, wisecracks and such like on everything under the sun and beyond. no experience, credentials required.
I would like to apply for Moral Mausi's post plij. I cannot spell erojinus and I hate high heeled shoes. (always remind me of their power to empower women by becoming a weapon)...
Great post!
LOVED this :) But what do I apply for?
Subs
Fantastic... how about one more type? Recessionist: Spreading panic in the public about impending doom. :)
How about computer sleeper? - reading blogs and typing comments though she just swore 5 minutes back that she was dying to sleep.
Kahini: Fangs! But you cannot be moral mausi you loose moraled, pub going, jeans wearing person!:-p
Chugs: Thanks. We all fall under the blogger type category na hehehe.
IHM: Thanks. But do you wear jeans? Even that is banned by the mausi you see :)
Subs: Gossip in chief. Both you and I will fight for the job. evil grin
Bluespriite: Totally right. Oh and recessionista. That's in vogue too!
Colours: Oh yes...and I had no idea you'd been writing so much! Must sit down and read.
That makes me the PERFECK person to be moral mausi. Be moral against ALL logic, reason and possible possession of even a single functional grey cell.
Kahini
Me gossip?! Tch Tch. Tauba tauba.
Subs
:D
i am apparently not suitable for any of these! ESP model mother! :p
great post Rash!
Cheers!
abha
Actually the reading part takes more time :)
ok, i'm gonna be "loose and forward pub going person". I do such a good job of that already! ;o)
Orrr.... i could be The Commentor! I hardly blog anymore but i read blogs voraciously & comment(when i'm supposed to be working:P)
and you missed the everygreen page 3 fashion types..who will always be doing some shows and air kissing
Interesting! This should probably be a floating topic for the blog - you must return to it whenever you spot a new occupation.
I agree with you - K cannot be a Moral Mausi. Not one bit.
And after reading "Chamelion", I dread coming back to Bangalore as an IT person.
K: Now even Parmanu agrees with me on the moral mausi bit. End of disussion.
Subs: Ab mera mooh mat khulwa :)
Abha: Thanks. Me not model mamma too
Colors: Yes it does na...and the answering comments in your comments part too
Sonia: So many of us are loose and forward and pub going...lovely :)
Lakshmi: Yess...the Air Kissers
Parmanu: Will keep that in mind, thanks :). And may I remind you that most of the 'chamelions' stop at the restaurant part. And they are all making loads of money
Deer Miss Rash,
i am wising to aply for post of Moral Mausi. I have rite qualification since i am not knowing how to spel. Pleje hire me- i have fyre in my belli and my life partner is alwayz complaining that I have no fyre in my erozinus jone. i wil punis all dirty loose forward pub going girls for egsiting my life partner's erozinus jones. What is salari? Also pleje to tell if you are giving us roling pin as ofic ekqipment?
Dear Mrs Rupa: Pliss leran not to complain about life partner in public places. Good Indian wife think life partner ij god even if he is going through midlife crisis and not finding eroginus jones. And how you ask about salry? This is voluntry work only and not for monetrys. Pliss read more about the honorbal Mr Mutalik to know more.
Arrey if it's voulountery then why for you're saying it is job, haan? You is cheatings the poublic this way like a nonsense persson! I am thinking that you is being a lose pub going girl- only they are doing nonsense! That is why my life partner is getting egsited about lose pipples like you! Have sum shame, madem!
madamji, again and again you are tarnishing life partner name in public like unsuitable married Indian woman. Plij spend the day watching moral correcting Indian tradition wale serials in Star Plus/Colors/and some more channels I am forgetting...Star Utsav perhaps...Only then we will consider your applikesun
hey rush, checking your posts out after a long time. this one takes the cake!
Update, woman, update!!!!!!
Kahini
Vaish: Welcome back! :) where had you disappeared?
Kahini: I am looking at certain snaps now. Do not antagonize moi
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