If we were honest on Facebook/Orkut...

 

Here's how it really should be but how it really is.

 

You get friendship request from Sandhya M, the girl you are struggling to remember from your KV in the Orissa hinterlands. Of course you do not remember her even a little bit and do not have any problems in telling her so. Of course you cannot admit this to Sandhya and hurt her enthusiastic 'Remember me?' So here's how it goes.

Sandhya: Remember me? We were in school together, Kendriya Vidyalay, Xyz, class of 89, etc, etc.

Me: No. I'm sorry I don't remember you. (End of story. Wow) Of course I remember! Great to see you J (Secretly hope Sandhya leaves it at that).

Sandhya: That's great. I thought you may not remember. How's your brother? Is he still as naughty?

Mortified me: You remember I have a brother? How well did you know me really and how come I do not remember you then? He's er...rather grown up. Lives in Bombay. How are your brothers and sisters parents? (safer to write parents, everyone has them at some point after all).

Added to mollify inner guilty self: Your kids look adorable. (It's the truth. They do. Phew!)

Sandhya the Persistant: Oh the kids keep me busy blah blah blah...job in finance blah blah...gave up working after the kids blah blah...managing home and kids alone blah blah...hubby busy...Vice president blah blah...last holiday in Kenya...12 years of marriage blah blah...you remember him don't you? He used to be one class senior to us. Check out the album titled My World, you can see whether he still looks the same.

Mortified me retorts gives up: Oh God! Why should I? As if we are going to become great pals from this instant. Remember him? Maybe. Ok...let me check your pictures.

And what happens when you get back in touch with the guy who got your heart leaping into your mouth for eight whole months in school? Me and good friend Sangs get a request from Gautam the heartbreaker. Not his real name. But gives you the gist. We accept immediately of course, bitches that we are.

Gautam: Hey it's great seeing you girls again. And Rash I can't believe you are a mommy.

Me: Ditto Gautam. Can't believe you are a daddy either. And that you have a paunch and are stupid enough to post a picture of your pot belly jutting out of a swimming pool for public viewing.

Gautam: Saw your pictures. Cool. So where did you and your husband meet?

Me: You looked up my pictures, you sneaky $^%^%&. Wait till I look up all your pictures and call Sangs. Hmmm...I wonder why you wanted to know about my husband. Did you by any chance have a thing for me in school...nah...wouldn't have done. Look at what you've turned out to be. Gautam, we met in Bombay through common friends. Your pictures look like you are having fun with those two girls who could redefine the term cheapo. Won't be surprised if you turn out to be some shady automobile dealer from Ghaziabad at the time-of-your-life-conference in Goa. What do you do btw?

Gautam: I manage Ásia Pacific for xyz. In Delhi at the moment but will be shifting to Hong Kong later this year. Wife will stay back for the kids' school.

Me: Asia pacific head and all that huh? Well, there was something in you in school after all then considering you aren't the shady auto dealer I thought you were. Kids? Boys? Girls? Hey put some pictures of your family too.

Gautam: Hey my wife's picture is already there. She's on the left in that picture of all of us in the pool. The other one is a friend of ours. Will upload the kids' soon. Still figuring out this FB thing.

Me: That cheapo with the red lipstick overdose is your wife? She sure needs a tummy tuck. Serves you right. Oh is that her? She looks lovely. Great being in touch with you. Say hello to your wife. Have fun. Bye.

 

 

 

 

 

Hits of Aamir Khan

When's the last time you heard that wonderously tacky but fun Poocho Zara poocho from Raja Hindustani? Or Ghoonghat ki aad se from Hum Hai Rahi Pyar Ke? Brings back memories of those Jhankar beatswale days when Kumar Shanu/Alka Yagnik/Nadeem Shravan/Anuradha Paudwal and Mahesh Bhatt combo reigned doesn't it? In case you are wondering, I picked up CDs from those 'glory days' as gifts for the sister in law who said she wanted to hear music from old times. And what fun I've been having. Listening to stuff like Koi na koi chahiye from Deewana and remembering the gang of 12 girls from Jog Hostel who trooped to the theatre to watch the first Shah Rukh Khan movie. Hearing Sanson ki zaroorat from Ashiqui and laughing at the fact that some of us actually liked that hair gelled mistake called Rahul Roy! It isn't often great music but definitely great memories!

Couldn't resist ;-p

Breaking News
Bangalore/Delhi and Bureaus, July 17: Mothers of unmarried men across India held special gatherings to celebrate the arrival of a saviour for their sons in the form of Rakhi Sawant. In Bangalore, the event was held at Palace Grounds, the venue for many happy marriages and attended by a hundred strong gathering of misty-eyed moms.
“I no longer need to persuade Manjunath to register himself on Kannadamatrimony.com,” said an elated Gangamma, adding that “as Manjunath had always wanted to be a model, he would require no persuasion to appear on television, making the process easier for us.” As for her son getting through the process, Gangamma was quite confident. “He’s already been watching the program repeatedly on YouTube at office. He already knows what is expected of him.”
Sowbhagya Rajagopalan who came from Chennai to attend the event also applauded the fact that there is an older brother (Ravi Kishen to the uninitiated) to veto any untoward incidents. “You know the process is going to be fair and uphold all traditions under such watchful eyes.” She however added that Rakhi should adjust her style of dressing to also include clothes from the Southern states. “At present, her dressing style is very North Indian.” she said with a slight wrinkling of her nose. Kavitha Muthanna who’d braved the heavy Kodagu rains to attend the event added that Rakhi should also improve her English skills as their sons would want their wife to be proficient in the language.
Mothers at the Kolkata gathering in Maidan seemed to be satisfied with Rakhi’s sartorial splendour, being used to the heavily embellished Marwari style of dressing all around them anyway. However, some of them expressed concern about her academic background. “My son has degrees from IIT, IIM, MIT and a few other places I cannot remember. Although he is looking for a smart, fair and beautiful girl and Rakhi fits the bill perfectly, he would like to know whether she is convented and has done her MA from a well known college, preferably under the Delhi University,” said Debashree Dattachowdhury from Lake Town. Amrita Meghani, mother of Bakul, who owns an electronics repair shop in Barabazar expressed her concern that the organizers of the swayamvar should also allow boys who were not proficient in poetry, painting or Taekwondo. “Bas dil sachcha hona chahiye (the heart has to be pure),” she said.
Echoing her sentiments was the almost 200-strong gathering of mothers at Pragati Maidan, Delhi. “It is a social service this girl is doing and I bless her with all my soul,” said Kanta Gupta, mother of Mohit, who’s doing his MBA before joining the family business. “It is so difficult to persuade today’s youth into an arranged marriage but this is different from everything,” she added.
As for their fears that Rakhi may well be on her way to choose a life partner, mothers across India remained optimistic. “It is a reality show and everybody knows they never finish in one season. And choosing a life partner is a time consuming task, therefore our sons can apply for the next round,” Ashlesha Patil added from Pune.
Finally, if any mother was harbouring a slight qualm about Rakhi’s past as an item girl, they have no reason to worry any more. As Daljit Kaur of Delhi explained, “She has started observing the Karwa Chauth fast already and that too for five men. If that is not the sign of a traditional and pure minded bahu who wants the best for her husband and his family, what is?”

Social Studies

If you are a socially upscale creature in Delhi, or are aspiring to become one, you are instantly recognizable by some of the following traits:
* You have a connection to a farmhouse. You either own one or are on first name/first drink basis with people who own one. If you are yet to achieve these dizzying heights, you probably got married in one and if you are an absolute bottom of the dregs aspirant, you spent your New Year farties...oops...parties getting drunk in one.
* You wear more sequins than clothes.
* You cannot, just cannot even begin to imagine buying a small car. Even if your parking space is matchbox sized.
* You are somebody/know somebody/ know somebody who knows somebody. Bas!

If you are a socially upscale creature in Bangalore or aspiring for the position, you:
* Have a nice red brick house with tiles flown in from Kerala, antique doors and windows and a lotus pond in the courtyard. All these designed in the most contemporary manner possible and with the same hi-tech comfort as your former pad in LA. Inside a gated community of course.
* You are a Cause Champion. You divide your time between gay rights/rainwater harvesting/saving Bangalore’s trees/stopping the Metro/keeping the race course. You also ensure everyone notices your good deed, namely the gullible media.
* You believe in carpooling. Especially when others are doing it.
* You address THE Nilekani as Nandan and casually mention having a personally autographed copy of his book. Bas!