A thousand thoughts in my head. Cannot sleep. Am I becoming a very different person from who I set out to be as I age? Is it true that I find it hard to take feedback on myself? Perhaps part of it is true. I do tend to get ‘defensive’ about my actions very often these days. The intention isn't to react like that but I do tend to. Where’s it coming from? A place of insecurity? A place of self doubt, inferiority? Because I want to prove that I'm right in what I'm thinking. That my actions are justified. That I'm not racked by self doubt.
And if it is, where’s that self doubt coming from? Why is my head constantly thinking of whether I have earned approval or respect and at times, in a not so appealing manner, actually striving, no struggling to achieve it?
Why is it so important suddenly? Earning this respect, approval, praise of those around me? Have I always been this way? Have I always craved it but not been able to acknowledge? Or is it what age does to you?
4 comments:
I understand the feeling of constant questions. I have found lately that it's better to begin answering one question at a time and believe it.
Thanks Rosemary. You're right about that one at a time bit
hundreds of optical illusions hundreds of aberration of judgement hundreds of variation about which our thoughts stray ,sometimes mad sometimes idiotic.
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