What Shall We Gift This Year?

I love gifts. Hunting, giving, getting...all of it. But one thing that leaves me stumped is gifting for the sake of it. Not because you genuinely like the person and really want to give something to him/her but because you think it forms part of your social protocol and obligation and therefore you must.

Which is why Diwali used to exasperate me in my Delhi days. And as I discovered it continues to do that in Bangalore. A day before Diwali we were at the Shoppers' Stop outlet near our home and came face to face with one of the neighbours whom we barely ever meet. After exchanging the usual hello and how are yous, we moved on, did our shoppping and got back home. Sometime in the evening, their son appeared with a box of Haldiram namkeens, muttered 'Uncle, aunty, Happy Diwali, mummy papa have sent,' and escaped.

The next morning I knocked on their door with a box of chocolates. The lady opened the door and we had the briefest of conversations: How are you ji? Very good? Chalo badiya hai. Ok. Happy Diwali. Bye.

My first encounter with random gift giving was post marriage, during my first Diwali in Delhi. I received a make-up kit from the daughter-in-law of my mother-in-law's friend. I was a bit surprised as we barely knew each other and had only met once before. At my wedding. When I mentioned this to my friend S, a Delhi veteran, she nodded sagely, 'It's part of Diwali protocol.'

Since then in my five years of Diwali in Delhi I have received several random gifts which show that the sender has to follow the protocol, even if she/he is completely unaware whether you have a taste for the stuff she/he is sending or not. My all time top five include a disgustingly floral smelling perfume and powder set, a steel tiffin carrier, pink and plasticky icecream cups, a bindi and bangle gift box and something equally terrible I've forgotten all about.

But the point isn't whether the gift is good or bad, tacky or tasteful. The point is why part with it when both the sender and receiver know that it's being done purely for the sake of formality? I'm usually flummoxed and have no idea how to react beyond Oh thank you, you needn't have, etc, on such ocassions. Yes some of you may argue it's a nice gesture but there isn't much thought that goes behind such gestures if you ask me. And to use that cliche, it's the thought that counts.

Which is why I love getting spotted-just-for-me book on Goa from Kahini, which is why I knew my friend H had to have it when I read Anupama Chopra's book on Sholay, which is why some shiny bags have Subs written on them and are screaming to be bought, wrapped in equally shiny cover and dispatched, even if birthdays, anniversaries, New Year, whatever are all far away or long gone. In my mind, gifts don't need a season but they certainly need a definite reason don't they?